A Marriage Audit For Every Christian Wife
Written By: Amanda Beilke
We are slowly getting into the new year, and you know what has been on my heart and mind lately? As everyone is pulling out their new planners to schedule fun events, new habits, and rhythms, I wonder how many people are actually thinking about the relationships that are baked into their calendars too? You know, the people that you do the events with or that your new habits and family rhythms impact. More specifically for those who are married, I wonder how many are thinking about what they want their marriage and relationship with their husband to be like this year?
Have you ever thought of that? Most people don’t take the time to think about their marriage, God’s actual design for it, how their marriage will be impacted by the new year, and their beautiful new calendar that they just filled up.
Personally, this is something I’m trying to get better at. I’m trying to get more intentional about auditing what’s working and what’s hurting in my relationship with my husband, and to better understand what God has to say about it. I’ll be honest, it can feel overwhelming at times. It’s one of those things on your to do list that is easy to “skip” over or to make excuses for why you haven’t done it yet.
As a society, we tend to audit much of our life. We audit our bank accounts, our water intake, our kid’s growth, our cupboards of food before grocery shopping, and yet, many of us don’t regularly audit the most important relationship that our home is built on outside of our relationship with God, of course, being number one.
I would love to invite you into this process of reviewing your marriage in this current season that you’re in. I have some questions that I have found to be very helpful, and I think they’ll strike a chord with you as well.
The way I like to do this is really quite simple. I like to set some time aside to review how God designed marriage to be. Then I like to ask myself a few questions and do some journaling. After that, I like to see how my view of my marriage lines up with God’s design for marriage.
When I do this marriage audit, I usually like to do it by myself first. I like to also ask my husband to do it, but recognizing as well that I can’t control him or force him to do it. Regardless of what he chooses to do, I like to share any insights or thoughts I had with my husband after I do my own personal audit of how I feel our marriage is going.
God designed marriage to be blessing and a lifelong companionship. God has called husbands to love their wives sacrificially just like Christ loved the church, and God has called wives to respect their husbands. God commands us to love each other. Love is patient and kind. According to 1 Corinthians 13:4, if we love our spouse that means we are kind. We do not envy, we don’t boast, we aren’t proud, we don’t dishonor the other, we are not self-seeking, we are not easily angered, and we keep no record of wrongs and don’t delight in evil. By loving that means we rejoice with the truth, we always protect, trust, hope and persevere.
Wow, what a command on how we are to love and a blueprint on how to love our spouse well. If I’m honest, it’s also a bit discouraging to me because I know that I don’t love my husband the way these verses call out. I know my sinful flesh makes it difficult for me to show up each day and love well. But if we are to live a full life with our spouse, it would do you and me some good to regularly check in on how we are showing up and how we are loving each other in our marriage. This is a great starting point to know where we can improve on what’s hurting in our marriage.
Here are some questions I personally use to do this marriage audit, and I invite you to use them too. I pray they support you in this process of purposeful reflection.
How emotionally close do I feel to my husband? (On a scale of 1-10?)
How do I feel during our conversations and how do I feel after we talk?
Am I quick to defend in conversations or do I truly listen?
How loving have I been towards my husband? (On a scale of 1-10?)
Do I feel like we are partners in our marriage or do I feel like I’m carrying our marriage alone?
Are we growing in our faith together?
How often do we pray together (outside of meals)? If not much, have I invited him into prayer?
Do I feel safe sharing how I really feel with him? If not, why?
Are we dreaming and building together, or just surviving?
What do you hope your marriage looks like 6 months from now?
Bonus Question: How satisfied overall do I feel in my marriage on a scale of 1-10? (10 = Amazing & 1 = Not at All)
If walking through this feels emotional, confusing, or heavier than you expected, you don’t have to do it alone. In episode 41 of The YOU Matter Podcast on Spotify, I go deeper on this topic and walk through this marriage audit step by step and share personal insight and examples, encouragement, and support to help you process what comes up with clarity and grace.
Once you do this audit, then decide how you want to intentionally show up in your marriage to love your husband better over the next 30 days. What are one or two things you could start doing or pray about starting? Maybe it’s simply starting to pray for your husband every morning, or maybe it’s practicing sharing more vulnerably without shutting down. Let this be the starting point to building your marriage the way that God intended.
If you find this stressful, unfamiliar, or overwhelming, remember to take it to God in prayer. Whether things are working or hurting in your marriage right now, God promises to hear you and to be with you in it all. Trust that God is who He says He is and that He will always provide for you and guide you and your husband in your marriage each day. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV).
Amanda Beilke is a Christian marriage coach, keynote speaker, and host of The YOU Matter Podcast. She walks alongside busy, overwhelmed wives who love God, but feel disconnected in their marriage. Through practical, faith-rooted tools and biblical encouragement, Amanda helps women feel seen, heard, and confident again. She also writes Vows & Verses on Substack, answering your questions and offering weekly hope for marriage and motherhood.
